


i long to be

by iwaichoomi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Lots of narration, Love Confessions, M/M, Oikawa is very open about his feelings, Pining, Rejection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:28:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28427808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwaichoomi/pseuds/iwaichoomi
Summary: Oikawa is fine with just a piece of his friend’s everything.It’s just up to Iwaizumi if he’s willing to give a little bit of himself.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 3
Kudos: 23





	i long to be

**Author's Note:**

> .....and this, my friend, is the product of three hours iwaoi brainrot
> 
> hit me up on twitter, @iwaichoomi 💛
> 
> let's go, iwaoists 😗
> 
> ps.: and oh yeah, happy new year 🌟🌟🌟

“I refuse to believe that Iwa-chan isn’t made by the God himself.”

It’s weird. Kinda pathetic, Hanamaki would say. But Oikawa is too serious, it is too painful to tell that logically, a duo made Iwaizumi, which is the male’s parents. God might be the founder but Iwaizumi’s parents were the manufacturers.

Oikawa would write a whole novel of retort if he hears that, though, so Hanamaki chose to hum his reply.

“I know he’s hot and handsome,” Oikawa seethes. “But any handsome man who knew they are handsome can control their appeal, you know?! I knew because I’m one of them! I kinda know I’m too much for this school and if I can decide how to minimize my appeal then so does Iwa-chan!”

Oikawa ends his rant with a huff of _‘it isn’t fair!’._

Matsukawa sends Oikawa a pitying look. “Are you sure you’re not frustrated because you think he’s hot?”

Oikawa deadpans. “I’m this mad because I think he’s hot.”

“Oh.” Matsukawa nods. Then turns to Hanamaki who grimaces already even before the former can utter a suggestion.

“This ain’t it,” Hanamaki protests too early. “I know Oikawa is like, inlove with Iwaizumi but this isn’t it. Please, let’s not involve ourselves in this idiocy.”

Oikawa rolls his eyes. “Well, I have to agree. Mattsun is ugly decision maker. His suggestions always benefit him.”

“You’re the ugly decision maker, you agreed to half of my suggestions.”

Oikawa snorts. He’s about to retort like he’d about to drop a microphone when the door to the rooftop slams open, revealing a frowning Iwaizumi.

 _Ah_.

And Oikawa watches as the flock of birds nesting on the railings fly their ways up the air, soaring to the teal plane of the sky as Iwaizumi walks up to them.

The sight of the birds flapping their wings, the tone of their chirps along to the sound of Hajime’s shoes, the snickers – _what_? How does those snickering compliments to Hajime’s almost dramatic, director’s cut entrance?– is too pretty.

And Oikawa finds himself screaming internally – _this is not fair!_ – and he could hide the cries inside the walls of his skulls and cage of his ribs but never his face would help him.

“Why are you glaring at me?”

The question is, of course, directed to Oikawa. Once again, he finds himself mad. Iwaizumi doesn’t, _note_ – _ **does not**_ – have the rights to ask that question, specifically that question, after his entrance that is too powerful he sent off flocks of birds.

“Because you’re not asking me out on a date,” is Oikawa’s answer.

He does not regret anything.

“Damn, He isn’t even subtle–” Hanamaki is snorting too much to talk.

Iwaizumi stops beside Matsukawa and drops to the floor, eyes still boring towards Oikawa who does not even relents nor shy away.

He’s ready to get rejected, anyway.

“Who would date you?” Iwaizumi asks to no one and snatches a chip from Hanamaki’s bag.

“Clearly not you,” Oikawa grumbles.

And just like that, just like always, Iwaizumi dismissed the semi-declaration of love from Oikawa.

It doesn’t hurt anymore with how frequent it had happened.

●●●

Truthfully, Oikawa would gag if someone would dare to think that he wouldn’t be able to live his life without Iwaizumi. That’s too much. They give him too little credit if that’s the case.

He could live without Iwaizumi. He could be away from him for a month, or a year, mind you. He had endured it during middle school when he had to study a year off from Miyagi to Osaka, to his father’s hometown.

He had missed Iwaizumi that time, he had cried when he came back after ten months of not seeing his bestfriend, but did he die? He didn’t.

They never been to class together, never shared one, and he fared fine. They would come to a ramen shop, all the volleyball team members, and most of the time Iwaizumi would sit at tables near the walls with Matsukawa while Oikawa would take a large space at the counter to watch the chef with Hanamaki on his side, and he’s used to that kind of set up where his elbow isn’t bumping to Iwaizumi’s.

All these years, few valentines had passed and sometimes they’re together, most of the time, Oikawa is hiding from the mob of girls from other schools. They never go home together on Valentine’s day. With how Oikawa need to stay or go home earlier, and he have not gotten mad or whining over not spending valentines with his long time crush.

So in conclusion, Oikawa could live without Iwaizumi. He could breathe, will probably miss him in an hour or two, or if midnight comes but sleepiness isn’t, but he could live.

Oikawa knows that Hanamaki and Matsukawa knew that. And he knows they don’t sell him short for thinking he would die for his best friend. Well, he would, but not because of distress over being away from Iwaizumi. Or being rejected.

Which is why Oikawa decided to keep on confessing his love, knowing very well that he could take rejection after rejection, and he knew that Iwaizumi would _never, ever, ever_ entertain the thought of dating him.

Because he conditioned himself far too long to get hurt over repeated dismissal.

So _why?_ Why is Iwaizumi, his Iwa-chan, _that_ friend – _yes_ , in front of his door holding a pack of milk bread like he’s about to bribe him–

 _Oh_.

“Iwa-chan, not again–”

“Please,” Iwaizumi pleads while looking constipated. “This one doesn’t know how take a ‘ _no_ ’ for an answer.”

Oikawa rolls his eyes. “We don’t plan hang outs, Iwa-chan. What are you going to tell that person, then? As if I’ll break a tradition for a stupid pushy person.”

“Come on–” Iwaizumi groans, “It’s not like it’s the first time it happened.”

“Yeah, but the first two times it happened you just went to my room and we watched Jimmy Neutron episodes and then what? You really went all out buying pizza so I wouldn’t get mad at the fact that you used me to ditch those poor human beings.”

Iwaizumi is already taking strides towards Oikawa’s bed, throwing the pack of milk bread to Oikawa who is still looking stern.

“Well, I chose to disturb you both previous times so I wouldn’t feel like using anyone for an easy escape because I genuinely like to hang out with you.”

 _This is not fair!_ , Oikawa screams internally as he picks up the pack of milk bread angrily.

“You can’t just come here and declare you want an escape from a pushy admirer, ruining our habit, fucking inconsiderate friend!” He whines, almost pouting.

“I didn’t declare anything. You assumed. But you assumed right. Sorry about breaking a bestfriend thing.”

Oikawa refuse to listen. He doesn’t like this, their thing, the spontaneous hang-outs being a back up plan for something so trivial.

Seems like Hajime senses his genuine frustration for he sits up on Oikawa’s bed and fidgets on the lint of Oikawa’s spongebob pillow.

His sigh sounds like a whine, making Oikawa turns to his friend in amusement.

“Then consider this one a date so you won’t sulk over the hang-out thing.”

Oikawa thinks that’s much better. He could take a fake date, probably would make his hope up, maybe will sting tonight before he go to sleep if he is really sleeping tonight, he could swallow and fake intimacy instead of breaking a legitimate thing he had with Iwaizumi.

He smiles, his cheeks bunching up, and runs towards his bed to jump Iwaizumi.

The latter grunts, but the laugh Iwaizumi lets out and the palm touching his lower back is enough of a statement that the aggressive reaction he just did was not expected, but welcomed.

“This is a fucking date!” Oikawa declares beside Iwaizumi’s left ear. “Finally, after hundred times of asking you out!”

“You were not asking me out–”

“I always do!”

“You were just always complaining why I don’t date you.”

Oikawa snorts. “That’s a declaration of love.”

Iwaizumi guffaws at that. And Oikawa, would found that same familiar reaction painful years ago, finds it not painful like before.

He feels happy.

Just having Iwaizumi like this is enough. He just want a little bit of him, and that is enough.

●●●

“Can you please tell Oikawa to stop ogling you?”

Iwaizumi frowns at the request, Turning over to Hanamaki beside him.

Practice today were grueling. The pressure Oikawa had the whole three set could be felt from the other side of the court while their coach Irihata watched them play.

Of course, Oikawa being the new team captain, the feeling of earning a responsibility at the age of seventeen…

It isn’t like the past team captains fell short before Oikawa. They were all good, great even and responsible, but the pressure of the awards and names thrown to Oikawa gives the current captain a much bigger responsibility.

Aoba Johsai were always been the bet school to take down the Shiratorizawa, and despite failing multiple times, that never change.

This year though, with the presence of Oikawa Tooru, every second could change a player's life.

He was the favorite of the crowd, his fangirls aside, and that fact would lay heavy on Oikawa’s back. The whole expectations and anticipation.

And Iwaizumi isn’t to pop the bubble of zone lingering Oikawa, just because Hanamaki complained with the way his best friend is staring at him.

“Don’t mind him,” Iwaizumi tells Hanamaki and even sends Oikawa a middle finger. Oikawa wriggles his whole body, his faint whining sound reaching Hajime’s hearing and smiles at the childish demeanour. “He’s playing better today.”

“Well, it seems like you don’t mind so I’m just gonna cringe here at the corner by myself.”

Iwaizumi frowns a little, though there’s a smile on his lips, not denying Hanamaki’s conclusion at all.

“Iwa-chan!”

Ah, there he is.

Iwaizumi turns his torso to accommodate Oikawa, the latter walking towards him with head tilted to the side, watching the first years’ drill.

“What?” He asks, and smiles when Oikawa’s full attention shifts to him. “You hungry or something?”

“I’m actually about to complain how much I miss you but you seem like established this mindset that all I care about is food,” Oikawa retorts and crosses his arms over his chest.

Iwaizumi huffs a laugh. No one has the rights to be this adorable, right?

“You’re wrong,” he tells Oikawa. And grins – “You care about me the most.”

Oikawa whines loudly. “You’re so mean! And yet, you deny that you’re flirting back to me?! How is this not consider flirting?! What even considered as flirting?! I’m gonna complain the whole day!”

“Yikes,” Matsukawa mumbles while passing through behind Oikawa, not even considering to watch them and just walk towards a cringing Hanamaki.

“Shut up,” Iwaizumi tells his friends and off to save his underclassmen from Kyoutani’s killer spikes. “Just get over your ass and practice! And you, Oikawa, you’re walking home with me.”

There are snickering and whooping whistles, Oikawa’s whines overpowering them, screaming about how masochist he is to even tolerate Iwaizumi.

“That’s actually cruel,” Hanamaki tells him after the teasing, “to say something like that to someone who actually likes you.”

 _It is._ Iwaizumi knows. But what can he do? He likes it, the reactions he get from teasing his friend. And just like Hanamaki said earlier, he doesn’t really mind the ogling.

He likes it. Especially if from Oikawa.

●●●

Truth to Iwaizumi’s statement, and as if Iwaizumi would let Oikawa go and hide from him, they are walking home together.

There’s no other way that they won’t.

“Why are you so pushy?” Oikawa snickers behind him, his hands on his tracksuit and trying very hard to maintain the one foot distance he has behind Iwaizumi.

The man in question tilted his head to side, not really viewing Oikawa, but to accommodate him, “You can tell me if you don’t want to walk home with me.”

Oikawa scoffs. “That’s not it,” another huff– “Stop entertaining me.”

Iwaizumi halts from walking and so does Oikawa, only because he’s so careful not to bump Iwaizumi. To save himself from drowning or something like that.

“What do you mean?” Iwaizumi asks.

“Stop teasing me,” Oikawa complains. “Stop acting that you like it when I gush over you.”

There’s a frown on Iwaizumi’s face when he said – “But I do like it, though. When you gush over me.”

Oikawa whines, stomping to a wall and hits his forehead lightly. And as if that isn’t enough display of his giddiness, he went far beyond embarrassing when he strides towards a post, hugging it tight while glaring at Iwaizumi.

“You _better not_ reject me,” he growls. “Go out on a date with me. I love you, Iwa-chan.”

Oikawa is never one to back down. And Iwaizumi knows that, fully capable of seeing how far Oikawa’s devotion can go, and this is a new territory.

Oikawa never told him he loves him. Not in that way.

And for someone out of the picture, they might say, ‘ _ah. It doesn’t matter. Iwaizumi knows Oikawa. He definitely knows too how to handle that situation_ ’.

Wrong. Absolutely wrong.

Because Iwaizumi knows Oikawa all his life, as a friend. He loves Oikawa for ages, but as a friend. He had dealt with Oikawa being heartbroken, as a friend. And just recently, he found out that he played large parts on those break-ups.

He knows how to handle the teasing. One of Oikawa’s attempt on flirting, with just a huff and a smirk with some retort and the tables would turn against Oikawa. It was always easy to dismiss and entertain Oikawa’s advances at the same time.

But Iwaizumi doesn’t know, probably will never know, how to handle a confessing Oikawa. Or the confession itself. Who is he kidding? This won’t damage even a single continent of their friendship. Right? The confession would rattle Iwaizumi, but Oikawa himself will never break his sanity.

“You're thinking too much,” Oikawa says eventually. “You’’ll hurt yourself.”

He have detached himself from the post, both of his palms clutching on the shiny enamel strap of his bag instead, seemingly grabbing a hold onto something.

Iwaizumi’s brows furrow. “I am contemplating if that’s a bad thing or a good thing.”

“Don’t know about you but it’s bad for me.”

Now, the logical thing to do is to ignore the statement. It’s the easiest way to feel the bliss of ignorance. But Iwaizumi is not much of a horrible person to ignore the feeling his friend has been confessing to him as much of a terrible human being he is for opening his mouth.

“How is it bad for you?”

See? He’s terrible, mean, just like those many names Oikawa like to call him when he’s being a menace.

But does he regret asking? Did he regret asking? Not at all.

Oikawa sends him a look, the kind that is hard to decipher. But eventually, like he isn’t sporting a semi-pain in his chest – “Heart break.”

“Heart break,” Iwaizumi echoes. Oikawa nods besides him.

“But it’s not like you’re hurting me or something,” Oikawa reassures and bumps his right hip to Iwaizumi’s left. “It’s like I conditioned my system to fall in love without actually getting hurt.”

Iwaizumi snorts. “That’s impossible.”

“It is, though,” Oikawa insists. “I’m a living proof.”

“You can only do that with lots of practice, idiot.”

That shuts Oikawa up for a moment. But he is Oikawa Tooru, and he won’t let his own self down just because the love of his life is bickering with him like a domestic, long time married couple.

See? Oikawa Tooru is not that head over heels of Iwaizumi.

(He is but he’s also a smart one so it’s rare to see Oikawa tripping himself over a pool of his own stupidity.)

“Right,” he replies to Iwaizumi. “That’s right. Years of you being a douche to me made me stronger mentally and emotionally. I call that a blessing in disguise, Iwa-chan.”

Iwaizumi watch as Oikawa walk pass him, his long legs finally letting the natural wider gap of his step moving unlike the small gaps he takes whenever he walk side by side with Iwaizumi.

And this, the little sliver of Oikawa’s newly birth self, is so fascinating to Iwaizumi.

A smile makes its way on his lips as he watch Oikawa getting further away with the longer strides he takes.

And Iwaizumi, Hajime, he needs to ask something. This is now or never.

“What do you mean by that? Going out on a date with you, I mean.”

Oikawa halts and turns around, deadpans at Iwaizumi as if he’s the smelly kid in class.

“It is what it is, Hajime,” Oikawa replies. And oh, yeah – _Hajime_ – “I want to go on a date with you but not only the _watching the sun set or sun rise type_ of date but a date that would end up like _us waiting for the dawn to pass while we talk about how stupid you are for even asking_ – what I mean is I’m in love with you kind of a date.”

Iwaizumi huffs a laugh the second Oikawa ends his rambling. The latter’s left eyelid twitches.

“Did you– _no_ – are you laughing at my declaration of love for you?! You’re so mean!”

Oikawa’s whine could break a postlight with its high decimal reach, and Iwaizumi chose to accompany the whines with his own merry laugh. He walks pass Oikawa, snickering at how sappy Oikawa is and how he expected for his friend to be the romantic one but not to this extent.

Obviously, that would hurt Oikawa, but the louder whines he exhale just confirmed that Oikawa really passed on the borderline of unrequited love to unrequited and unconditional love.

He looks happy. He doesn’t look like his heart is on Iwaizumi’s palm, and that’s how easy it is to kill him with pain. He still wears his feelings like a crown, but he guards it now, with his fragile wall and stronger hand and mind.

And Iwaizumi will never unsee this Oikawa. Never.

●●●

“I’m planning to ask Oikawa out tonight.”

Matsukawa stops from breathing. Hanamaki groans.

“Noooo!” Hanamaki cries to Iwaizumi. “He’ll never shut up about it! He will remind us everyday!”

Iwaizumi snorts. “I don’t plan on stopping him, anyway.”

“You really like it when he preens over you, huh?”

Iwaizumi smiles, not denying anything.

It’s the truth, anyway. He likes the fact that Oikawa is in love with him.

He hopes Oikawa will like the fact that Iwaizumi actually loves him back.


End file.
